Movie Quotes

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"I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm all outta bubble gum..."
--They Live

"If I did not fear incarceration by human authority figures I would terminate your life functions by applying sufficient pressure to your blunt-skull as to cause it's collapse!"

"You guys want some cookies???"
--Corky Romano

"You have a question?!?! You do?! You don't?! You do?! You don't?! Well, it's okay if you dont because I'm up here doing my thing and you're down there doing yours. Question?!?!?! You do?! You don't--I SHOULD BUY A BOAT!!"
--Corky Romano

"Dear Ndugu..."
--About Schmidt

"Mess with the best, die like the rest."

"I hope you don't screw like you type."

"Big ol' hat that goes Booooooeeeeepppp!"
--Orange County

"It's like, his death birthday."
--Orange County

"I'm a comparitive literature major. Yeah, I want to be a writer. Fiction, poetry, screenplays, whatever, you know. Actually, I have an idea for a TV show. It's about vampires, ostensibly, you know. But underneath, it's actually about the reunification of Germany. But it's funny..."
--Orange County

"Sean, we're the same height!...THAT IS NEAT!"
--Orange County

"1)The question is what do you want. 2) Do you want me to call safety patrol? 1) Do you want me to get naked and start the Revolution? I'll take that as a maybe."
--Orange County

Sands- "Mmmmm. You must try this. It is a slow roasted pork, nothing fancy just happens to be my favorite. And everywhere I go, I order this with a tequila and lime. And this is is by far the best it has been. Anywhere. In fact it is too good. In fact it is so good that after i finish eating, i'm going to walk straight into the kitchen and shoot the cook. because that is what i do. I restore the balance to this country. And I would expect the same from you my friend."
El- "You want me to shoot the cook?"
Sands- "No i'll shoot the cook, my car's parked out back anyways."
--Once Upon a Time in Mexico

"You forgot one very important thing mate...Im Captain Jack Sparrow!"
--Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

"You can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, its the honest ones you have to look out for, cause you never know when they're going to do something incredibly stupid."
--Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

"Jack: And I'll buy you a hat. A really big hat."
--Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

"Weddings? I Love Weddings! Drinks all around"
--Pirates of the Caribbean

"Will: He roped sea turtles? What did he use for rope? Jack: Human hair... from my back!"
--Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl "You tell him, and I will spank you. I will spank you like a bad bad donkey, okay?"
--Muppets in Space

"Personal rancor reflecting that remark I don't intend to dignify with comment. But I would like to address your attitude of hopeless negativism. Consider the lillies of the goddamn field, or heck look at Delmar as your paradigm of hope."
--O Brother Where Art Thou?

"Would you like some gopher Everet?"
--O Brother Where Art Thou?

"Mr. Morgan, If you're edged cuz I'm weezin all your grindage, just chill, cuz if I had the whole brady bunch thing goin on over at my pad, I'd go grind over don't tax my gig so hardcore, cruster."
--Encino Man

"El queso es viejo y petrido. Donde esta el sanitarios?" (The cheese is old and moldy. Where is the bathroom?)
--Encino Man

"You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn't perfect either. But the question is: whether or not you're perfect for each other. That's the whole deal. That's what intimacy is all about."
--Good Will Hunting

"Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don't look much like a steer to me, so that about narrows it down"
--Full Metal Jacket

"Why should I change? He's the one who sucks."
--Office Space

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tells you different is selling something."
--Princess Bride

"She's meeting bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm."
--10 Things I Hate About You

"Remove head from sphincter, then drive!!"
--10 Things I Hate About You

"And Leon's getting lllaaaarrrgggeeerrr!"

"First the earth cooled. Then the dinosaurs came. They got to big and fat and then they died and turned into oil. And then the Arabs came, and they all bought Mercedes Benzes. Then Prince Charles started wearing all lady Di's clothing. He took her best dress out of the closet and put it on. I couldn't believe it."
--Airplane II

"Damn the Devil! Damn the Devil to Hell!"

"You guys gotta get me out of here! There's this guy Nasty Nate who wants my cocktail fruit, and everyone here likes fresh fish! Then The Squirrel Master came out of left field and told me I'm his bitch!"

" my only friend."

"We are in danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow, Ted."
--Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

"No where in your rambling incoherent response did you come close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. We are all dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul."
--Billy Madison

"I once thought I had mono for an entire year, it turned out I was just really bored."
--Wayne's World

"If she was a president she would be Baberaham Lincoln!"
--Wayne's World

"So there I am in Sri Lanka, formely Cerloin, around 3 o'clock in the mornin, looking for 1000 brown m&ms to fill a brandi glass, or ozzy wouldnt go on stage that night. so jeff bake pops his head around the door, and mentions theres a little sweet shop on the edge of town. so, we go, and, its closed. so theres me and keith moon and david crosby breakin in to this little sweet shop right? well instead of a guard dog they have this bloody great big bengal tiger. well, i managed to take care of the tiger with a can of mase, but the shop owner and his son, was a different story all together..............i had to beat them to death with their own shoes......nasty buisness really. but, sure enough, we got the 1000 m&m's, and ozzy went on stage, and did a great show..."
--Wayne's World II

"Something's wrong with his medulla oblongata..."
--The Waterboy

"I have the microphone,and you don't, so you will listen to ever damn word I have to say!"
--The Wedding Singer

"What kind of knight in shining armour would I be if the man I love needs rescuing and I just let him walk out my door."
--What Women Want

"No what I'm saying is that you are a club totting, raw meat eating, me Tarzan you Jan, big bald bubble head who can only count to ten when he's barefoot or wearing sandals."
--Cool Runnings

"Yea but you never see the Swiss smiling neither, I bet if one of them ever came across a pretty girl he say Eins, Zwei, Drei, and try to push her down some ice."
--Cool Runnings

"You mean winter as in igloos and eskimos and penguins and ice??"
--Cool Runnings

"If you ever loved me, don't rob me of my's all I have left."
--The Count of Monte Cristo

"If I know her as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets."
--Dumb and Dumber

"...see, you're a better person than I am and it made me a better person to be around you. I don't know, maybe it was all just a dream. Maybe I woke up one lonely night in December and imagined it all. But I swear, nothing has ever felt more real. And if you get on that plane, I'll disappear forever. And I know we could both go on with our lives and we'd be fine. But I have seen what we could be like forever, and I choose us"
--The Family Man

"As the good book says, if you spit in the air, it lands in your face"
--Fiddler on the Roof

"Manfred: If you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful!"
--Ice Age

"I still love you, absolutely. Theres not a doubt in my mind with all my anger and my ego, I was always faithful in my love for you. That I made you doubt it, was the great mistake in a life full of mistakes. The truth doesnt set us free, or I would tell you I love you as many times as you needed to hear it, but all it does is remind us that love isn't enough..."
--Life as a House

"I think I need a root canal. I definitely need a long, slow root canal."
--Little Shop of Horrors

" know po-ta-tos...mash 'em, fry 'em, stick 'em in some stew!"
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

"The truth is in the eye of the beholder...You believe what you want, I'll believe what I know."
--Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

"You're using coconuts! You've got two empty halves of coconuts and you're banging them together!"
--Monty Python: Holy Grail

"What are you gonna do? Bleed on me?"
--Monty Python: Holy Grail

"Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"
--Monty Python: Holy Grail

"Are you telling me that boiling water seeps into a grit faster on your stove than any other stover in the world?HUH, Do the laws of physic not apply on your stove?HUH Was, was they Magic grits??"
--My Cousin Vinny

"It's almost irresisitible. She's so deliciously low, so horribly dirty."
--My Fair Lady

"Wow, this must be what it's like inside a bong! WooHoo!"
Mystery Science Theater 3000

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities abide. I love you because I know no other way then this. So close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. So close that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep."
--Patch Adams

"Your only responsibility is to be a dickhead. And how hard can that be? All you have to do is make sure your head is a dick and it's attached to your neck."
--Patch Adams

"You know Scottland has it's own martial arts, it's called FUK-Q."
--So I Married an Axe Murderer

"Harriet, sweet harriet, hard hearted harbinger of haggis... Beautiful, bermused, bellacose butcher."
--So I Married an Axe Murderer

"It must have been one of them unidentified flying cupcakes."
--Yellow Submarine

"I've got a hole in me pocket!"
--Yellow Submarine

"Oh my God, I beat a man insensible with a strawberry."

"To the winch, wench!"
--The Neverending Story

"Don't go dying on me. Remember, I'm a lawyer. I've got friends in hell."
--Suicide Kings

" you know why I pulled you over?"
--Super Troopers

"These Schnozzberries taste like schnozzberries."
--Super Troopers

"Do I look like a cat to you...jumpin all nimbly-bimbly from tree to tree?!"
--Super Troopers

"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man."
--Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

"You can turn your back on a person, but don't ever turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye."
--Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

"Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Normal speeders will panic and immidiately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses content in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you, he will follow..."
--Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine and a whole galaxy of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers, leaughers...Also a quart of tequilla, a quart of rum, a case of budweiser, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls...But the only thing that worried me was the ehter. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge...
--Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

"Well, goddamnit. I'll be damned if I let some foreign, graffiti writin', soul suckin', son of a bitch in an oversized cowboy hat and boots take my friend's souls and shit 'em down the visitors toilet!"
--Bubba Ho-tep